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  #1  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:26 AM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Default The Curious Case of Abraham Smashington: A make your own adventure story.

Ok, we are going to try this. This is a test

Basically what happens is, I will start off the story and give four choices of what happens next at the end of my bit. They will be called A), B), C), and D).

The first person to reply with a selection then continues the story (if you end up replying but someone else did it first, please edit your post to go along with the first person's), giving a selection at the end.

[Try to make this fun by adding in forum names along the way.]

_*****I have attached a Word Doc at the end of the thread that puts the entire story together in one coherent piece...__________________________________________ ___________

"The Curious Case of Abraham Smashington"

The alarm is getting louder now. As you slowly wake up you find yourself tied to a chair and can see flames all around you. You can taste blood, and it's not tasty (if only you had those flavor tripping berries). You notice a small countdown timer to the right of where you are sitting. It reads 2 minutes and is counting down.

Do you:
A) Start to panic, pee your pants then sob uncontrollably...
B) Assess the situation and notice a small piece of broken glass on the ground.
C) Start to think of the time you totally scored with those 3 Swedish models (it was totally awesome and dirty)
D) Start praying to Jeebus, Superman and Rupert Murdoch.
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  #2  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:36 AM
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D)

Ok, as you sit in the chair, flames getting closer and closer, you close your eyes and began to pray to your favorite superheros; Jeebus, Superman, and Rupert Murdoch. When you open your eyes, you see the countdown timer says 1:15. But someone is standing next to the timer now. The light of the fire reveals to you a little man, no taller than 3 feet standing by the timer. "Ello!", the little man says to you in a very english accent. "Ma name is Jeebus. I just heard ya call ma name. Ya need a hand there buddy?

Do you:
A) Scream like a bitch
B) Say, "Jeebus, help me!"
C) Tell him to jump into the fire
D) Laugh at him till he slaps you
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Last edited by Ari; 05-28-2008 at 10:40 AM.
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  #3  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:40 AM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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B)

You ask Jeebus to save you, but in a flash he's gone. The timer hits the one minute mark. You nervously start to laugh in the face of impending doom when all of a sudden you feel a whoosh of air and see blackness. You wake up a few hours later and realize you are in a pub. Jeebus is sitting next to you and by the looks of it is quite drunk. Do you

A) Ask what in the fuck is going on?
B) Order a nice pint of beer
C) Ask for some crisps
D) Pull out your baton (that was hidden in your trousers) and smack Jeebus on the face
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  #4  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:42 AM
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patronsaintofcheeseburgers patronsaintofcheeseburgers is offline
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I choose B
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  #5  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:43 AM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Ok hmms...maybe we'll have to try this again. Instead of writing your own, You pick the answer. First answer to be posted gets to write. That way we don't have pileups
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  #6  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:49 AM
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You order a pint of beer, Guiness of course. You lean over and ask Jeebus, "how long have we been here?" Jeebus looks back at you puzzled and says, "dude we've been here for months, what the fuck's wrong with you?" You take a sip from your Guiness and begin to think back. It all starts coming back..the attack and the never ending nightmare that has become our life.
Jeebus has passed out in a drunken stupor again. The pub is dark and smells like 3 month old cheese. You walk away from the bar and notice more people sleeping at tables, a door to the kitchen, stairs that lead to a basement, and poorly boarded windows. /ou decide to;
A. Walk back into the kitchen to look for some food.
B. Head down to the basement.
C. Sit down and talk to the others.
D. Peek out the boarded windows.
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  #7  
Old 05-28-2008, 10:50 AM
Abraham Smashington's Avatar
Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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D)

You slowly make your way to the boarded windows, carefully stepping over discarded condom wrappers and bits of cheese. As you get closer to the window you being to hear strange sounds emanating from outside. You peek outside through a knot in the wood when you see them. Babies. Babies everywhere. Babies with chainsaws. Babies with flamethrowers. Hell, even babies with tridents. Puzzled you watch them for a moment. That's when you see her. She is struggling to stay ontop of a lightpost. But babies are piling up and over each other right below her. She is screaming bloody murder. Even Jeebus stirs at the sound of the screaming. Do you:

A) pretend you dont' hear her and go back to the barstool
B) Scream out : Hey, FUCK YOU BABIES!
C) Grab a pool cue and charge headfirst in to the mass of babies
D) Film the ensuing carnage with your cameraphone
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  #8  
Old 05-28-2008, 11:11 AM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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Also, try not to writei n the first person if possible. No "I"'s
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  #9  
Old 05-28-2008, 11:50 AM
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I choose A
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  #10  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:01 PM
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You turn away from the soon to be murder, walk back to the bar and ask for another pint. The bartender fills your glass and asks you what the weather was like. The bartender's skin is pale and his eyes are sunken in.
Jeebus shouts out from the other end of the bar "what the fuck does it matter, if it's sunny we'll never enjoy it again and if it's raining, snowing or hailing it doesn't make a difference. We're fucked, we're stuck in this shit hole forever."
The bartender shouts back, "Fuck you Jeebus, fuck your attitude and your negativity. You're cut off for this week, no more for you."
You cut in, "Guys, relax we're in this shit together. I mean, they're fucking babies for godsakes...how bad could they be?"
"How bad can they be?" said Jeebus "Are you fucking kidding me? You've forgot everything haven't you. Your family, your dog, your home. It's all gone, just like we will be as soon as this shit runs out."
You sit down by yourself in an isolated corner and try to remember what has happened. Then it all comes back...
A. There was an influx of infants who were given a bad immunization shortly after they were born that turned them into super geniuses with murderous tendancies.
B. An alien race of babies attacked and have slowly began to wipe out humanity. due to their small stature they can't open doors or pry open boarded windows.
C. I can't think of anything else, so you can make something up...
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  #11  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:10 PM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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I choose B.
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  #12  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:38 PM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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As you sit in the corner, the screams from outside finally die down. The images come flooding back to you.

It all began a few months ago. There were strange electrical storms happening all over the country. Crop circles in the shape of pacifers were showing up in wheat fields all over the Bible Belt. They were pegged on teens hopped up on Robotussin. How wrong that was.

Soon the news came flooding in: "Babies from space have landed in all the major cities and capitals of the world. They want one thing: BLOOD!" And so the great war began. People chose sides. Some decided to stay on the babies side. They chose poorly (the babies maimed them and then took naps in the blood that was spilled). IT was complete anarchy. The government fell in little under a week. It was every man for themselves. The only saving grace of all this was the fact that our super smart scientists concluded that due to their small stature, they cannot open doors or boarded windows. Any living person was told to board up their doors and windows and stay calm.

But it was too late. Images of your family come rushing back to you. The happiness, the alcoholic benders, the DESTRUCTION. They were torn limb from limb by a pack of savage babies while you watched. Then they were teethed to death and you still watched. Your dog got it even worse and you did nothing. Your dog, "Mr. Sneezers" was used as play thing. They put peanut butter in his fur and pulled his tail (THE HUMANITY!). You only made it out because you used your mother's torso as a shield. That is the last thing you remember.

As you sit in the corner, unaware of your surroundings (because you are too selfabsorbed in your own backstory), you feel a small pebble hit your head and look up. " 'noh MY GOD," says Jeebus, "They have found a way in...GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!" You jump to your feet and:


A)do a sweet little jig

B) pick up Jeebus (he is a midget, and we all know that midgets like to be picked up and carried) and run to the basement

C) Ask the Bartender if he a card carrying member of the NRA, and if he has any guns

D) Pull out a cigarette, light it up, and prepare for your death...
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  #13  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:45 PM
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Ari is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurts
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I pick A
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  #14  
Old 05-28-2008, 12:59 PM
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Ari is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurts
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So, knowing full well that your last hope for survival is making them babies laugh, you began an epic jig. One killer baby pokes his head through the hole in celling, a bloodthirsty look in it's eyes, when it pauses to witness your jig. The baby slowly tilts it's head to the side, a slight smile growing on it's face. Then it giggles. Jeebus and the bartender see that the jig has stopped the baby, so they began to dance a jig as well. The baby giggles some more, then it spits up no less than a gallon of milk, and the giggling turns into full uproarious laughter. The baby no longer can keep hold, and plunges to the ground. Now, more and more babies began to pop out of the hole in the celling, all falling to the ground while laughing thier baby brains off. You pick up Jeebus, jump on the bar and continue the jig of all jigs. 10, no, 20 babies are all laying on the ground laughing so hard milk and pee are flying everwhere. Then, a baby stops laughing. It gets a constipated look on it's face and begans to cry. You began to worry. What if your jig is starting to fail? Before you can even finish your thought, the baby explodes in a blast worthy of a 4th of July climax. You, Jeebus, and the bartender all look at each, shocked shitless and:
A) Continue the jig in the bar
B) Run out of the bar and began to jig in the street
C) Pick up a bunch of liquor and throw it at the babies, then toss a match at them
D) Kick Jeebus off the bar and into the baby herd
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  #15  
Old 05-28-2008, 01:01 PM
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Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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I choose C!
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  #16  
Old 05-28-2008, 01:30 PM
Abraham Smashington's Avatar
Abraham Smashington Abraham Smashington is offline
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Abraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The FaheyAbraham Smashington is as epic as The Fahey
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You brush the gore off of your sweet jean jacket (with a killer patch of Motley Crue on the back) and attempt to figure out what in the hell just happened. "Oi! Ya facking cunt, git dahn!" The bartender, Jeebus and yourself hit the deck. Another baby explodes. Entrails fly everywhere. "What the fuck is going on?", you shout to the heavens! "It's not the jig that caused the baby to explode, but the chav outside with the shotgun!" exclaims Mr. Exposition Man as he slinks away after his purpose was fulfilled.

You thank Mr. Exposition Man and quickly assess the situation. You realize there is no fucking way you will be able to get to the basement to escape now. The three of you decide that in order to survive you need to get outside and band up with "Chav with a shotgun". Then the plan is formed. Hastily you grab as much alcohol as you can find and throw it on the babies. The sickly sweet smell of milk, pee, sweat, and what appears to be lemons fill the air. You ask Jeebus for a match, which he readily gives you. "It's nap time...for eternity!"you exclaim as you throw the match on the alcohol soaked babies. Nothing happens. You try another, and another. Still nothing. In your hurry to torch the babies, you grabbed Mike's Hard Lemonade as opposed to a flammable liquid. You are now surrounded by slightly tipsy, pissed off babies. Do you:

A) Try again, this time with a flammable liquor

B) Say fuck it and throw Jeebus to the hordes of slightly tipsy, pissed off babies

C) Reach in your pocket for the : "Deus Ex Machina" of this story (which you need to PM Rob for)

D) Push the bartender off the bar and use him as a battering ram for your escape
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  #17  
Old 05-28-2008, 02:50 PM
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A...
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  #18  
Old 05-28-2008, 03:08 PM
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Realizing your mistake, you survey the bar for something flammable. Jeebus and the bartender are scrambling around with duffle bags loading up the good shit when out of the corner of your eye your notice a dusty old bottle of 151. You grab the bottle of brown Bacardi and smash the top off. You grab a bar towel and stuff it into the jagged opening on the top of the bottle.
"Jeebus, matches ASAP!" you shout.
Jeebus tosses you the last box of matches he has. You light the towel and toss it on the babies. The bottle bursts into flames and engulfs the ankle biters. Some try to attack you fully ablaze, but you are able to kick them off of you. Jeebus and Changu (the bartender) are headed for the door with two duffle bags filled to the tee with snacks and all the booze you could imagine.
"Let's go!" they shout.
As you jump off the bar you slip on baby entrails. While laying on your back you notice two samurai swords mounted high up above the bar. Babies smell the blood and smoke emanating from the bar and start to rush the building.
"Let's fucking move it, they're coming!" shouted Chav
"Get the fuck on your feet kid, let's go!" yelled Changu
You stumble to your feet, still staring at the swords. You think to yourself, "Time and survival is key, the babies are rapidly approaching and you don't have much to defend yourself with. Chav has the shotgun, but how many rounds are left? What will happen if we run out of bullets?"
So you...
A. Run out with your friends, pray you make it to safety.
B. Climb the bar, retrieve the swords. Risk your life and that of the others doing so.
C. Fake an injury, say you can't continue on. Once they leave, get up grab the swords and shadow them. Follow them to their hideout, kill them with the swords, rape the women and steal whatever you want.
D. Ask Jeebus to help you up, then grab him by the arms and toss him into the bar so the swords fall down. Pick up the swords, pick up Jeebus and say sorry bro.
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  #19  
Old 05-28-2008, 03:20 PM
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Ari is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurts
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I pick D
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Old 05-28-2008, 03:43 PM
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<-----THIS!
 
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Ari is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurtsAri is so fucking epic it hurts
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So you yell for Jeebus to come over to you to give some help. Jeebus tells Changu to begin a jig to distract the babies. Once jeebus reaches you, you grab him by his little pudge arms and toss him into the bar, knocking the sowrds and Jeebus to the floor. As you run over to retrieve the swords, Jeebus begans cussing at you like an Irish sailor. "Sorry, Jeebus." you mutter as you help him to his feet.

As both you and Jeebus turn to exit the bar, you notice Changu's jig is no longer working, and Chav is getting low on ammo. You bust out the swords, Prince of Persia style, and began hacking away. Baby blood and puss is flying everwhere. You're like an Iron Chef of death, hacking any baby that gets in your way. Then it stops. The babies begin to crawl away. You stand there, right outside the bar entrance, Jeebus standing on your left, still rubbing his sore head. Chav is by the lightpost, staring at the fleeing babies, and Changu still hasn't stopped jigging.

As the babies continue up the street, you try to catch your breath from all the hacking. Then you notice something. All the babies are converging at one spot. They begin spitting up on each other. Jeebus pukes at the sight. Hundreds of babies, all upchucking multicolored barf all over each other, until all you can see is a puke mountain. The mountain begins to rumble, then an arm bursts out of it. It looks like a chunky baby arm, only it's the length of a VW. Then the rest of it ermerges. A huge baby has been formed, the size of a 4 story buliding. It's eyes burning red with hatred, it begins to scream, causing all the windows on the street to shatter. Then it begins to plow towards you, at a speed no man could out run. You look at your group, and:

A) Yell, "Fuck this nonsense!" and jam a sword into your neck
B) Pick up Jeebus and throw him at the rampaging baby
C) Turn back into the bar
D) Jump on a moped parked near the bar and get the fuck outta there
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